Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Very Small Box

I don't know if it's because I'm first born or if it's because I have felt inferior or maybe it's just human nature, but I had a need to be right. Unfortunately, I would debate the minutest detail (usually with my husband) just to have all the facts right, or correct details that really didn't make a difference for the overall content of the story just to feel that everything was absolutely truthful. Everything to me was black and white, right or wrong, only one way. My life was full of "Don't", "Can't", "Not allowed", "Not possible", and "What if?"

When I met Mike I knew I loved him. I knew my life would change forever. I knew he was the fulfillment of everything I had ever wanted and ever prayed for. I had love-sickness and couldn't eat or sleep. One night while I was tossing and turning the Lord assured me I could trust Mike as my husband, my life partner, my head, my provider. The Lord is right. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to relax in Him and trust that through my husband He would provide everything we need and bless us beyond what we could ever ask or think.

My inability to completely trust, my fear, kept me in a very small box. I had to be right in order to feel in control of life. The Lord has brought us to a place where we are completely dependent on Him and I am completely dependent on my husband.

When I gave up total control I noticed that I no longer have to be right. Since I no longer have to be constantly right I feel peace and in love with living. I feel free to make a mistake and I am thankful for correction. I have breathing room. I feel I can listen to my husband and learn. I feel completely myself. I feel I can love, accept and enjoy other people just as they are.

There are essential elements, convictions and truths in life that demand being right about. After those are established most decisions in life are flexible. I've given up control and embraced the joy and freedom of being wrong. Ironically I feel completely in control but actually it's confidence in the Lord, His Word and my husband.


Pleasant Drive said...

It is hard to swallow our own pride and ideals, in order to trust the Lord and trust those that he's provided to guide us (i.e. our husbands).

Amy said...

So, well said by both you and Lindsey. I too feel the need to be "right." Okay, it's got to be a little first bornish....but, giving up "control" is glorifying to God and honoring our husbands. I am thankful that you feel more free and peaceful! That's a blessing!!

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