Friday, July 17, 2009

I Just Wanta Be Normal

Have you ever just wanted to be normal? Maybe I'm the only one, but I'd just like to eat supper every night at the same time. I'd like to sit down to a perfect, completely balanced, totally nutritous, fully satisfying meal and have the whole family push back from the table and say how wonderful it was and how content and healthy they feel. Am I asking too much? Isn't that normal? Why do I think it is? Ohhhh, too much 1960's TV? Oh yes, "Donna Reed", "Father Knows Best". "Patty Duke". The "perfect/normal" shows I watched religiously while I was growing up. I loved and absorbed every ounce of their propaganda. They lead me to believe that some where out there when you grow up, get married, become a homemaker, life is going to be perfect. If I know it's not true, why do I keep trying? Trying results in disappointment. Disappointment leads to frustration, and repeated disappointment and frustration moves to anger and suppressed anger turns into; not feeling well, loss of creativity, inability to think, reason, feel and express emotion, and an inability to see the beauty all around me. And just a downright crankiness to boot. Really, by wanting life predictable and routine and always the same I am trying to control. I'm telling God how to bless me instead of allowing Him to bless me beyond what I can think or imagine. I'm learning to live moment by moment. My husband is teaching me by example. I get up every day and I do not know what we're going to do, how we're going to do it or what we're having or even when we're having supper. Our life is very simple and I can do anything I want. I've found out however, I really don't want to do anything other than keep up the house, spend time with Amy and my precious grandbabies, enjoy this time of sabbatical with my husband and listen to God's voice. It's a relief not to feel as if I have to cook a picture perfect meal every evening thus proving to the world I have a "normal/perfect" life. Spontaneity. Live the moment. Enjoy the time. That is the new normal. I am so blessed.

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